Is there ever a “right” way to end a relationship? 100% there is.
And many wrong ways.
In this episode:
Break up and breakthrough
Heal your heart and attract new love.
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There’s a right way to do it.
And there’s a wrong way to do it.
This is the right way.
**
There’s always a moment.
When the universe cracks open and reveals the truth to you.
It tells you when your relationship has run its course.
You might not be ready to hear it.
It might feel like a shock to your system.
And it is—to your conscious mind.
But that means your subconscious has known for a while.
There have been subtle hints and signs you’ve ignored.
Then your subconscious comes in and delivers it to you straight.
And this is where most people stumble.
***
One of my favorite films and one of my all-time favorite movie scenes is from “I Am Love.”
It’s an Italian film, starring the illustrious Tilda Swinton.
The scene and reason I love it so much is how she leaves her marriage.
The moment happens when she knows it’s over.
In the middle of a family event, she runs up the stairs into her bedroom, tears off her all-black clothes, shaking, barely able to pull them off.
She doesn’t even stop to put shoes on.
Barefoot, she GALLOPS down the stairs, through the house, with nothing but the clothes on her back and SHE FUCKING RUNS.
Out of her life, out of this reality and into her freedom.
***
I saw it when it was out in the theaters—remember when you could go and see a GOOD MOVIE and you’d walk out and your reality was changed.
Movies used to do that for us. For me at least.
***
When I look back at my own relationships, I can remember very clearly when those moments came.
In one of them, I was at a weekend workshop, in my flow, in my element, having a great time, and in a flash, during a conversation with someone, it came to me.
We weren’t even talking about relationships, but maybe some kind of growth principle and BOOM there it was, the realization.
Crystal clear.
It was a moment when I was super open, and the universe just dropped this unequivocal revelation into me.
I caught my breath and felt immediately sad in my heart because I knew it was right—it was time for me to go.
But here’s the point I want to illustrate. And what happened because of it.
I didn’t go.
I was thinking to end it—and I think the other person always feels this gossamer thread breaking in the ethers, and THEY KNOW.
When I saw him afterwards, he was extra charming and loving and sweet and connected and I just kind of let it sidestep me.
The sadness I had latched onto that.
And I stayed.
I went along for another few months.
Then I could start to feel the retroversion happen.
I developed sciatica out of the blue.
You know—the legs that should have “walked right out that door” and didn’t, so they started inverting on themselves.
And when I finally did leave, everything was SO much harder.
I had to climb my way out of an emotional hole I had re-invested in.
The escalator effect
Something I’ve seen over and over in my life, is that when life presents me with a risky choice, and I’m courageous enough to take it, then it also gives me a lift up to the next level.
But, as I said, the step isn’t without risk.
Meaning, it’s a leap into the unknown.
It’s the price of admission for crossing into—and leveling up to—the next dimension.
I’ve come to recognize this now.
When I’m brave enough to jump in those moments, the universe gives me a leg up.
BUT.
If I wait, if I say, “no thanks, not right now”, then the assistance disappears.
And when I inevitably go to make that next move—then the extra leg up isn’t there.
At that point, it’s even harder to make the transition.
Who abandoned the marriage first?
I don’t mean that you don’t work on relationships.
Of course I do.
But if it’s done and you’ve done your part and the universe gives you a clear heads up…you act on it.
I’ve seen people talk about how leaving a marriage and getting divorced is an abandonment of your commitment and vows.
But what about when the other person has long since abandoned the marriage?
They’ve emotionally checked out
They’ve sexually checked out.
They refuse to grow and evolve.
THAT person has ALREADY left the marriage.
Are you supposed to indulge that?
No fuckin way.
It’s a dumb argument.
It assumes that you ought to give your partner endless chances to lie, stall, gaslight and stay checked out.
For what purpose?
THEY’VE already broken the contract.
**
Trust that moment of clarity
Here’s an example of one time when I did it right:
I had a moment, of clear, clear realization that this person wasn’t the best for me.
We were about to be sexually intimate and it hit me.
I felt a sense of revulsion and the insight that being with him was more a reflection of a family dynamic than him being an ideal partner for me.
I knew. I knew it down to my bones.
I ended it on the spot.
In that very moment.
Here’s what I mean about the power of moments and the portals of ascension they are.
From that moment forward, my entire life changed.
I leveled up, I evolved, I self-actualized in HUGE ways.
I was CATAPULTED not just into the next dimension, but through several.
The whole trajectory of my life changed in that instant.
If we talk about parallel realities from the quantum perspective, and timelines and all of that kind of “quantum physics and metaphysics”, I crossed a bunch of timelines and leapfrogged the evolution of soul.
All kinds of incremental progress was bypassed and I was flung into an entirely different reality.
ALL from an act of courage and moving in the moment.
It was MASSIVE.
THIS is the magic of moments.
THIS is the magic of knowing your truth, trusting it more than anything in the universe, and galloping with it.
No pros and cons list.
No pausing to “think it through”.
Entire books are written and movements have been created about the magic of “being in The Zone.”
In The Flow. How to connect to your intuition and live from that place.
Now you get to put your money where your third eye is.
You came. You saw.
Watcha gonna do?
It’s a divine invitation from the universe.
But the catch is that it’s a one-time offer.
It’s not that you can’t leave at anytime.
Sure you can.
It’s recognizing when you get that clear truth.
And moving on it RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
PS I never looked back.
It was to this day one of the best decisions I ever made, and because of HOW I made it.
When you know you know
And you get the fuck out.
RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
Walk out the door. Hail a taxi. Get up from the dinner.
You know that song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?
You just slip out the back, Jack
You don’t need to discuss much
You don’t try and organize things for the softest landing.
What I fucking love about the scene from the movie I Am Love, is watching Tilda when SHE KNOWS and she even knows that this is a moment that she HAS to drop everything and run to keep paces with it.
She GALLOPS.
NO HESITATION.
It’s a razor’s edge moment and if she doesn’t take it, she might be stuck forever.
AND SO SHE FUCKING GOES.
She leaves with NOTHING but the clothes on her back, and she RUNS toward her freedom.
And THAT my friends, is the secret of the universe to breakups.
You can try and shore things up and prepare and blah blah blah.
No.
There’s a cost to that. It sinks you down and it diminishes you.
And from what I’ve seen and experienced, it makes it even harder to get out and to move forward.
It’s the biggest make I’ve EVER made in relationships.
Well, technically not even really DURING relationships.
But in their unwinding.
When I’ve stayed after knowing I ought to get out.
My advice, is to get out and figure out whatever logistics AFTER you’ve cut the tie and you are officially exited.
You leave with yourself intact.
Which is priceless.
Remember: the universe rewards courage.
It rewards that moment when you know the truth and you act on the truth and then the whole fucking universe moves mountains and rearranges itself.
For you.
Fortune favors the bold.
There is momentum in that moment.
I just realized that—moment is the root word of momentum.
I think that’s the secret.
You seize the moment.
AND that act in itself creates a delirious, magical momentum.
And everything falls into place that needs to.
Timing on this message is extremely synchronistic