TRANSCRIPT – Vixen in the Boardroom
In my work, I’m a big proponent of the idea of amplifying sexual polarity in couples and in singles.
Which means that I’m anything but gender neutral.
I believe that humans are happiest and most at ease when they explore and embrace the sexual characteristics and energies they’re born with.
So that’s women accepting and amplifying their feminine energy.
And men their masculine energy.
And in the over three decades of me doing this work, I have never seen it be any other way.
Meaning, when men are hiding out in their feminine energy, they’re miserable.
The cultural conditioning over the past decades—I’d say the last 50 years or so—has been to shame men for their “toxic masxulntily” and to encourage them to eschew any typical male behaviours.
We’ve also encouraged men to get more in touch with their feminine and emotional sides, which is great.
But not at the cost of giving up their strength and power, and ability to defend their families and communities.
Primal masculine energy.
It’s been said that the only “toxic” masculinity is the absence of masculinity.
And I agree with that.
Real men don’t hurt women, they honor and protect them.
And when women are trying to live their lives using their masculine energy, they’re resentful and exhausted.
They put out a kind of false confidence, a projection of strength that isn’t authentic.
They prop themselves up to “fight the good fight.”
When, as the saying goes, they could catch more flies with honey.
If they were to dwell more in their feminine softness, they would attract and magnetize the opportunities and solutions they’re looking for.
Not through a sheer force of will.
But through their softness and serenity.
Because we so associate masculine energy with drive, ambition, taking action and getting things done, women often wonder:
- How do you actually achieve things while you’re in your feminine energy?
2) How do you especially do this in a situation, like a job or workplace that is typically dominated by men?
These are all concepts we dive further into in my Well-F**ked Woman Salon.
How to really open up into your feminine energy, let go of the pressure to activate your masculine will, and learn to let your surrender guide your life.
Today’s episode explores all of this and more.
Annette, our Well-F**ked All Star articulates it so well.
She works as a CEO in high-level positions and she’s found how the more she’s connected to her feminine—and her sensual, wet and orgasmic, no-panties wearing self—she’s more successful and achieves more than ever.
WELL-F**KED ALL STAR ANNETTE
KIM: Welcome, Annette. It’s great to have you.
ANNETTE: Hi, Kim, it’s great to be here.
KIM: You’ve had quite the journey, and we would love to hear all about it. You began with Coming Together, and then you took the Well-F**ked Woman Salon. A couple of the things you shared that I loved were, number one, “As soon as I was well-fucked, the calls started to roll in.” And then two was, “Going from breaking up to fucking like rock stars.”
Fill me in on the details with that and anything else in between.
ANNETTE: Well, I absolutely loved the Anami world, and I’ve practiced on my own through self-pleasure a lot of what you’ve shared with the Anami world for years. I found myself in a relationship where there was a lot of challenge to connect in intimacy, as well as sexually. I looked at your salon schedule and thought, “Perfect! Coming Together is happening. I’m going to join it on my own and really see where this can lead me.”
KIM: So when you say on your own, you were in a relationship with this person, but he wasn’t receptive to this? Why did you choose to do it on your own?
ANNETTE: Yes. He was really struggling with intimacy and sexuality in our relationship, and I was seeking to evolve myself and the relationship. So I took the step to join Coming Together and mentioned it to my partner at the time in passing. And he said, “Oh, that sounds really interesting. Can I join you?” By the very first Coming Together group call, we were participating together.
KIM: Excellent. So he’s on board, you’re both involved in Coming Together—what happens next?
ANNETTE: Well, we did the first group call, and I’ll describe this one in detail because there was a fantastic shift that occurred.
We joined the first call, and on his side there was definitely an energy of, “Okay, this is what my partner wants to do, so I’ll do it.” And at the end of the call, he looked at me and said, “I think this is what I’ve always needed.” [Laughs] The topics that you were discussing about blocks and fears—I think the voice of the men in the salon really created a safe space to be vulnerable. We practiced our first connection date after the first group call, so that is not the order that it should’ve happened. We should’ve done our homework first. But it happened anyway, and there was some radical honesty shared in that call that changed the trajectory of our time together completely. There was vulnerability about fears, my femininity, and what I was offering in the relationship because of blocks that had existed for decades in a past relationship.
There was so much healing and just saying it and owning it and sharing it together. There was a very clear understanding between us that he had to do the work to heal that wound, but I was there to hold a safe space and heal together.
KIM: Those blocks that you’re referring to right now, were they more in him?
ANNETTE: The block that we talked about specifically after that group session, yes. There was a fear of touching and interacting because there was so much rejection in his past.
One of the things we did after that connection date was to have a moment to say, “Here’s what’s going on,” in a space where we were talking. We were not in bed trying to have sex and be intimate. We were just talking. That just naturally led to doing. Then I could say, “Well, let me just show you. Here, nothing to be afraid of. Touch, explore. I am open to you.”
There were phenomenal leaps forward in our trust, our connection, and that led to so many other blocks that I wasn’t aware that I had. I’m not sure about my partner. But we worked through those block lists. Honestly, when I looked at the block list in the links in the salon, I thought, “Well, there’s nothing to talk through here,” but it was surprising how when we went through the blocks and just talked about the topic, every single time there were blocks that surfaced, and we could work through them together on every topic, which was shocking to me, because some of those topics I thought weren’t even in my life, yet they were.
KIM: That’s amazing. I love that even through the beginning of a conversation with conscious and open intention to whatever comes out, these things can come to the surface. As you say, things we don’t even think are issues—we have no inclination that they would be—when we put that loving spotlight of attention and illumination on them, they feel safe enough to emerge and be alchemized.
ANNETTE: Yes. It was like we became so interested in each other. What is your experience, and how can I be a helpmate, and how can this help us dive further together? The more experiences we had in being honest and healing together, the more interested we were in doing it again.
Yeah, it was fascinating. We were only a few weeks into a relationship when we dove into this, so I had some false beliefs. “We’re new, so the glass is clean.” What we realized as we walked into the relationship was that there were decades on the glass.
I had this realization that “Oh wow, glass clearing is just as important at the beginning as it is at any other point in a relationship.” To me, that was really eye-opening as I thought about my life journey and any relationship in my life.
KIM: I love that. I love that both of you were open enough to dive into the salon material, which is the heavy-duty investment and commitment early on in the relationship. That’s a beautiful level of willingness and openness to both commit to that degree.
ANNETTE: Yes. He said to me very early on, “I recognize that being in a relationship with you means a vibrant sex life is necessary.” Yes! Fuck, yes! [Laughs]
KIM: [Laughs] Yeah, right. Nothing less than.
Beautiful. So you started out with some uncertainty, not a deep connection; you committed to the practices—so when we talk about block clearing, a big part of the Anami process is the realization that we all have an accumulation of baggage. As a way of life, I would say, in the Western world, the idea of stop, drop, and heal isn’t really a part of the collective ideology. It’s more like hide, suppress, use substances to push your feelings and experiences down.
Now I’d say in the wellness world, there’s more of a focus on the idea of looking at trauma, healing trauma, and moving on. But in the modern, everyday vernacular, I don’t think that’s the case.
Part of the Anami lifestyle is having a fully open communication policy and style in your relationship and a commitment to radical honesty to expressing the truth, leaving no stone unturned, especially with topics that relate to the integrity and the fabric of your relationship. You might have other areas where you cultivate deliberate mystery, and that’s a whole other conversation, but for things pertinent to the relationship, it’s so important to have that policy of honesty.
I love that you guys committed to that and went forward with it. What other kinds of changes did you see in your energy and your chemistry? You talked about some polarity shifts.
ANNETTE: Well, as the intimacy deepened, and as the sexual experiences that we had became more involved, more adventurous, more open to what we were both desiring, there was so much peace created, so much anchoring in who I was and what I was seeking in life. But it was that peace and safety that got creative, which was so noticeable. I think it absolutely changed every part of my life.
KIM: What did you notice happening in your career in that part of your existence?
ANNETTE: So in my career, I had a lot of beliefs that I was five or ten years from a more senior role, so leading or starting a company wasn’t something that I could do. The more that we played and the longer that we played and the more adventurous we got in our play, in our honesty about what we were seeking, and in our trust in one another, the more interviews started to roll in.
At first, I thought, “This is just a coincidence.” It was not. I was getting calls from venture capitalists, former colleagues, and recruiters for roles that were senior to where I was. And ultimately, what ended up happening is a company that I had created a few years prior that was just ticking along in the background, I realized, “Oh my goodness, I need to approach this thing with the energy that I’m approaching my Anami practices. I need to take hold of this energy and this venture and see what can come of it.” We got the venture funded. I’m leading the company now. I get calls from investors that they’ve heard about what we’re doing, and they want to meet. Okay, that’s crazy. [Laughs]
Yeah, there’s more to talk about as far as what these phenomenal orgasms and intimate connections can create. It goes beyond work. There’s more authentic connection with friendships and family. It just happens because you’re more in your heart. You’re more in your body. Every single time I’m interacting with people in my life, I’m doing it in a much more authentic, transparent, truer way.
Amazing things have happened. Parts of my life that I thought, “Oh, I’ll never see that part again.” I’m an avid sailor and boater and that has just come right back into my life. I’ve been joking around about the name of the boat, calling it PBO—O as in orgasm, PB as the type of boat. [Laughs]
KIM: [Laughs] I love hearing that because something that we see with the inhabiting of our sexual energy is that it’s the life force. That is the signature, the blueprint, the essence of who we are. When we begin to inhabit that more and more, we start to find that our outer life becomes filled; we magnetize, we naturally somehow find these opportunities and experiences that align with our vision, our dharma, our passions in life. It just starts to happen.
It’s always a really powerful sign when I hear from people that they are indeed inhabiting their sexual energy, because we see that alignment happen in their outer life. For some people, it means they will quit a job or vocation that they weren’t particularly in love with, which they were doing more to pay the bills, and find themselves doing work that’s more in alignment with their soul purpose.
Or in your case, say if you’re already in a line of work that is aligned with you, those things start to fill up your life more and more. More hobbies, more experiences. Like you said, even dormant passions that you might have put aside suddenly make their way back up to the surface again.
It just happens. It’s not like we’re making a list of “What are the things missing in my life?” You just start to find that you manifest these opportunities, or you magnetize them, or those thoughts happen and they just appear in front of you.
ANNETTE: That’s right. The more I’m in my heart and in my femininity, the more I can see the honest expressions that I have about life. For me, that’s to dabble in my career and create in the world as an entrepreneur. There’s even a natural hair product company that’s come into my life, which is so exciting and way outside of what I used to do. It’s so me.
But it’s more than the relationship. It’s more than business. To be in my ultimate femininity changes everything because there’s this belief that women need to be masculine and tough to be in the world or to be successful or to be entrepreneurs, and it’s when I’m in my femininity—right now I’m in a miniskirt, [whispers] no underwear. [Laughs] And in my little tank top. I’m feeling so feminine, and my hair is down, and I am rocking it in the world. The world doesn’t necessarily align with that. There are these beliefs that to be in your ultra femininity means you can’t pursue other things, or the world won’t open up those paths.
I think that when you’re really in an intimate connection and there is an amazing play—and that’s self-play with myself and my own intimate connection, as well as with a partner—it really busts so many of society’s beliefs of what men and women should or shouldn’t be doing.
KIM: Yeah, I love that. I love hearing that you’re in a high-powered job and top-level corporate situation, and yet you’re saying that the secrets to your success are really owning and living in your feminine energy.
Because you’re right—I remember growing up, there was this idea that in order to be successful in the world, especially in the corporate world, you had to emulate men. You had to become one of the guys. I love that there’s been this full-on 180 around this for women to recognize that they were all getting burned out and having adrenal fatigue through trying to amplify their masculine energy to achieve things. They didn’t even know it was possible to be in their feminine energy to achieve things—the process is different. The outcome is the same, or better, because we’re not going out of alignment in our own essence to get these things done.
ANNETTE: That’s true. It really resonates with me, absolutely.
KIM: So you became more polarized and comfortable within your feminine energy, really activating and living in that place. What happened to your partner with his masculine experience? Did he have the same thing happen?
ANNETTE: Oh, absolutely. It was phenomenal to watch and be part of that transformation. There was an interest in stepping up, in leading our play and being creative and exploring in areas where we hadn’t played together or one or the other had never gone before.
At one point, I said, “This is really phenomenal what’s happening here. I’m concerned that all of a sudden we’ll go back and there’ll be a shutdown on your side.” [Laughs] He said, “Oh, no. I’ve ripped the door off, the bolts are gone; the door got thrown in the front yard with a sign saying, ‘Someone take it away and don’t bother me; we’re fucking.’”
There was such a masculine leadership that showed up that was not there at the beginning, and man, it was attractive and such an honor to witness.
KIM: Beautiful. What’s happening for you in your relationship today?
ANNETTE: Well, the partner that we’ve been talking about and I are no longer together. There was a conscious uncoupling and because we had been practicing radical honesty and the connection dates, it was quite peaceful. The reason was very simple. I have a medical situation and medical needs that must be met, and we knew right from the beginning that might be a challenge. And there was just a point where we had to come to a realization that with what we both wanted to experience in life, those needs couldn’t be met, and there was very good reason to go our separate ways.
KIM: Right. So you are in a new relationship now?
ANNETTE: I am, yes.
KIM: How is that going?
ANNETTE: [Laughs] It’s going very well. It’s very different than any other relationship, and I really am curious about that because I see this as just as striking as how I’ve embraced my femininity and my career and passions have merged into one.
This is a relationship where there’s been a very strong masculine presence right from the start. My femininity has tons of space to be out there and play. It’s a lot of fun. There’s a lot of depth that was found right away. We’ve both done quite a bit of work and self-growth in our lives, and this partner has participated in Anami Land. That was such a surprise and at the same time, not at all. [Laughs]
KIM: He did the Sexual Mastery for Men Salon?
ANNETTE: Yes.
KIM: What shifts did you see in your relationship as you went into that work adjunct, or together, and how did that manifest in your connection? How did things get upleveled?
Finding and healing blocks to deeper intimacy
ANNETTE: When we first got together, there was a lot of hesitancy on my partner’s side to interact and be intimate, and I really didn’t know where that was coming from. I knew enough from all the work that I had done in my life and in the Anami salons that there was something there to heal and to remove a block.
So the transformation was clearing past experiences to allow for the present experience to come through and be realized.
We saw each other for a very short period of time, and very quickly there was a discussion about taking a break, because I didn’t quite understand what was going on. It wasn’t aligning with the depth of intimacy and exploration that I was desiring in a relationship. A little bit of time passed, and we came back together just recently. He’s a transformed man in that he really can express his heart and share his feelings. He’s very open in the pursuit of sexual encounters together and brings so much passion to what we’re doing, whether it’s a conversation, life getting planned, or experiences as we get to know each other physically.
KIM: You’ve talked about seeing how your upleveling of your sex life has had these powerful shifts in your outer life, so what kinds of things transformed for you in bed in terms of your orgasmic journey? What did you notice there?
ANNETTE: Oh gosh, Kim, my orgasmic journey is such an interesting one. When I first started doing the Anami work, I would have an orgasm maybe once in a play session. I didn’t even know what type of orgasm it was, but I thought, “Well, this is great. I had an orgasm.”
And as I did my heart healing and spiritual healing and Anami work over the years—it’s been six or seven years now, and I pop off orgasms. Honestly, I could be sitting and talking, and I hear my partner’s voice, and it’s just the right depth of tone, and—bam—I can have an orgasm. I didn’t even think that was possible.
But when it comes to the depth of orgasms, there is a freedom that was never there before the Anami work. I can have 50 or 100 orgasms in a play session. I can choose what orgasm I want to focus on, whether it’s cervical, G-spot, clitoral, or breast orgasm. I think I can even have a neck orgasm. [Laughs] They just roll out one after another. It’s so beautiful.
But in getting to a place where there were multiple, very deep orgasms, and many different types, I had to learn how to create safety for myself. There is a boundary I had to create to say, “I am choosing to be here. I am submitting to this play. I am choosing to be vulnerable, and in choosing that, I am creating a safe space for myself.”
I did have a place where I would understand what I needed out of my partner as well, which was to have very deep and passionate sex. But the expectation and that need was not projected onto my partner. It was something I had to bring to myself that no matter how I was playing or what I was choosing, I was taking care of myself.
And in that experience, there was so much more I could do to open up and be vulnerable and submit to whatever play or adventure was happening.
KIM: Fantastic. With these orgasms, you have this great fluidity and skill. What else did you notice changing about yourself as a woman? Especially with the deeper vaginal orgasms.
ANNETTE: Well, the changes were on many different levels. There’s now a softness and patience to me, and the ability to put love out into the world wasn’t there before. There are physical changes. My breasts are bigger; my waist is smaller. It’s striking and very real. My hair is shinier. [Laughs]
And all of this is happening as I’m aging. I’m 49. I’m coming into the land of perimenopause and menopause, and the whole world will tell you that this is a time where I should be drying up and nothing should be happening for me, but it is the opposite. I feel more youthful and gorgeous than I ever have in my life.
KIM: Tell me more about that because I just put a post up today on Instagram, where I was having a go at these people, these shills, who were all about taking hormones like it’s an essential thing; you’re not going to be able to get away with not taking them for the rest of your life. You’re doomed; you’re cursed.
Basically, my response to that is, “Yeah, well, you’re underfucked.” Because well-fucked women glide with their own naturally generated lubricant through menopause. They orgasm their way through it because—and this is my nonscientific study, but backed up by a lot of anecdotal evidence and research— when women are well-fucked through this period of their lives, they glide through. It’s like they’re generating their own hormonal reconfiguration via the amplification of their sex hormones. Through all of the pleasure and orgasms that they are cultivating through this time in their life, they don’t suffer any of these symptoms and downturns at all.
In fact, it can be, as you say, the opposite, where they’re fully fueled through this time of life. Now you’ve got all the wisdom that you didn’t have as a 20- or 30-something combined with still-juicy sexual enlightenment happening and you become this incredible powerhouse.
So tell me more about this, because inquiring minds want to know.
ANNETTE: It’s interesting, because I’m a scientist and I have a PhD in immunology. In my own experimental life right now, I can say, “This is real. What’s happening is real.” The more that there is self-pleasure and letting go, the more that there’s sexual play with my partner, I will notice very specific changes in my hormones and in how I’m presenting through these changes in life.
Meno-What?
For example, there were some really good play sessions recently and my cycle had been off and wacky as it can get as you’re going through perimenopause and menopause. Like clockwork, it came back on super strong, letting me know, “Hey, I’m getting this wash of hormones all through my body, and I am feeling peaceful again. I’m feeling happy again.”
And it’s not just right after play. We’re talking weeks through my whole cycle, I am seeing the wash of hormones and the shifts and the pleasure of it all. There are times I actually feel euphoric because the hormone shifts are so pleasurable in easing my cycle. Because that cycle can get very jagged if you’re not playing and not practicing orgasms as you’re going through these changes. The cycle can disappear or come at different times or change the flow.
Through all of the self-play and play with a partner, there’s a smoothing out of the entire process.
KIM: So beautifully said, and it’s so great to hear. I love that you have that self-awareness to feel those shifts and attribute them to the sexual flow.
I refer to the sex hormones as the master hormones. When those hormones are flowing and they’re elevated and self-actualizing, then they lift everything else up in the system.
Then the opposite happens when women are not being well-fucked and not living with the medicine of pleasure, the medicine of orgasms, then it’s like a black hole that sucks everything else into it. Their sex hormones are obviously low-level, but then everything else gets sucked into that hole of dysfunction and of living in a diminished state.
It’s beautiful to hear that and even better that you have a scientific background and lens that you’re able to not discount the veracity of your own experiences in favor of, “Well, I need a study from a corrupt medical journal to back that up.” [Laughs]
ANNETTE: Oh, it’s so true, and in coming into the practice of orgasms and intimate connections and allowing that to flow in my life, there has been a shift toward the natural in my life. Which means getting away from pharmaceuticals and chemical-based products. As I pull more and more of that natural living into my life, which I think most scientists would tell you, “Oh! Don’t do that,” there’s so much more space for the body to regenerate and do what it needs to do to be healthy. That’s so critical in this perimenopause and menopause journey too.
KIM: That’s the thing that floors me; the whole notion that we need to medicate women through menopause, basically through the rest of their lives. It starts at puberty, putting women on hormonal birth control. You go off it briefly to have some babies, then you go back on it. Then we’re in perimenopause and you’re meant to take it again until you die.
There’s actually a menopause doctor out there—I put a post about her on Instagram—who has said she will “die with an Estradiol patch on.” That is her mission in life, to be on these hormones forever and ever.
The fallacy, the insult, the patronizing of women to say this, the complete lack of faith—and I have to say it—the self-hatred that speaks to, that you think women’s bodies are so disgusting and dysfunctional that they need to be babied and taken care of, because they couldn’t possibly find a way to be healthy and exist without being sedated and medicated like cattle—it’s disgusting.
I can’t believe that so many people buy into this narrative that women need to be medicated through this time. When you become well-fucked, you get smarter. You get creative. You actually have a better lens of truth with which to see and feel these things. Underfucked idiocy, which is a real medical condition in Anami Land, starts to get thrown out. It’s a deep cleaning of this debris and toxicity. The real toxicity is a lack of self-belief. A lack of faith that you can heal yourself. This internalized toxicity, shame, whatever it is, on an emotional and then physical level, we now transcend and recognize that we have all this power; we need to be well-fucked to be smart and creative to rocket through this time in our lives.
Yeah, and we have all these tools simply through becoming well-fucked. You know in Anami Land, being well-fucked means we’re owning and inhabiting our sexual energy.
ANNETTE: Yes. It is so true. It’s like the greatest meditation ever. I’ve practiced transcendental meditation my whole life, and when I am doing self-play or playing with a partner, there is a reconnection with myself that happens. When I’m out in the world, it’s like being in The Matrix. “Whoa! Everything is so clear that I can create, I can understand, and I can see past all the BS.”
One of the things that really became apparent to me is that this journey of life is to be embraced as a woman. I looked in the mirror and said, “Oh wow, look at all that gray hair! Wow! Look at this. Look at what my body is doing on this journey.” But I don’t want to suppress it. I want to enjoy this entire journey of aging as a woman, and it’s gorgeous. When I look at the aging process through that lens of being well-fucked, there’s so much beauty and wisdom in it, and there are things I can experience that I couldn’t when I was younger.
KIM: Yeah, I agree completely. In my forties, there was a level of confidence and maturity, where I could get to a place with men of “Take it or leave it. This is me, and this is the way I’m doing things. If you don’t like it, then we don’t need to be together. We can part ways and find more suitable companions.” [Laughs] Yeah.
Was there anything else that you wanted to add to this story? Anything else about your current situation?
ANNETTE: Not that I can think of right now. It’s just what I have embraced in my life through the Anami practices. They are truly breathtaking and the depth of intimacy that gets created and how fulfilling that is; this part of my life is so bright and alive. Decades ago, I dreamed this was real and had no idea how to embrace this or how to become what I am today. So thank you for this entire journey that I’ve been on with you. I really appreciate it.
KIM: I’d love to hear you expand on the paradox of you being in a high-powered career position and yet having been able to really inhabit your own feminine energy in that place. Is there anything else that you can share?
Because it’s a huge question for women, that seeming incompatibility. How do they do that? Do you have any advice or anything else you could share about that?
ANNETTE: Yes. We can definitely dive in here. Early in my career, I absolutely bought into coming to the boardroom with masculine energy. Back in 2007, I showed up in the same outfit as my boss, who probably wouldn’t have called it an outfit. I had on gray pants and a very masculine-structured shirt, a black belt, and we looked at each other and said, “Who’s going to change?” Obviously, it wasn’t him; it was going to be me. There’s the dynamic playing out.
I even bought into that hostility toward other women in the corporate world who were feminine in a beautiful dress or a pair of heels with their hair down. I’ll admit there were a lot of amends that I had to make with myself because of the hostility that I brought into the corporate world.
Through the Anami practices, through becoming well-fucked, through rolling orgasms, and going more into the polarity and femininity, I think one of the most striking pieces is I don’t have to try anymore in the corporate world.
If I am embracing my femininity and who I am, then I don’t have to perform anymore. It’s no longer an energy that I have to summon before going into the board meeting or before a really important or demanding day. There’s so much more ease, just like the ease in the flowing orgasms; if I’m in my heart and in my femininity and I’m speaking the truth, there is no flip into an alternate energy that I need in a boardroom. It’s exactly the same energy.
I am in the energy of being present, being passionate about the topics being discussed, being creative and thoughtful and radically honest about what I’m hearing in the boardroom about data readouts or strategic decisions in the corporate place. It’s no different than the radical honesty and the presence and the passion and the vulnerability that I bring into my play.
I think that was the big aha-moment, where I started to see magnitudes of change. What was happening in the business part of my life was the opposite of what I always thought.
I thought I had to try and perform; I had to be this other person when I was at work and then transition into this other person to be in a relationship. That moment when I realized I’m in this wonderfully well-fucked, juicy place—I’m not leaving it. [Laughs]
I am not leaving this. So I’m bringing this into the boardroom, and I’m telling you, the boardroom loves that energy.
KIM: Wait, wait, wait, tell me more about that. The boardroom loves that energy. Tell me how the people, the men especially, respond to you.
ANNETTE: This is another myth that was burst. I’m wet all the time. I’m dripping, and it’s running down my leg. It’s part of my life and who I am and how I flow now through the day.
And I had this myth or belief that if I brought that into the boardroom, it would be taken advantage of, misunderstood, inappropriate. This gets back to the same boundary I was talking about earlier—when I’m playing and enjoying, creating safety for myself, I also have appropriate boundaries.
That’s another realization, and taking that energy into the boardroom is for the purpose of discussion and thriving and business conversation. I can have all of that energy and flow and juiciness without being inappropriate in interactions.
The boardroom loves it because there’s no confusion for the men. They say, “Oh, she’s a woman. She feels like a woman. She looks like a woman.” There’s not that underlying conflict there was when I was walking into the boardroom like a man. It creates irritation, because they say, “I don’t get what’s going on.”
When I come in in femininity and glowing and bright and present, there’s no conflict. It’s very clear what I’m bringing into the boardroom. Now we can just put that aside and get to the business.
KIM: I love that. We’ve definitely seen that in the realm of polarity where if you walk in as an alpha male and butt heads with the other alpha males, there’s going to be conflict. There’s going to be tension. It’s going to be a bristling energy.
But when you walk in there as a woman, then yeah—it’s a different energy where men will actually have a visceral response to be of service to that feminine energy instead of competing with the masculine energy that you bring to the table.
I love hearing that. Essentially, once you drifted in there, wafted in as your feminine, beautiful, radiant self, I’m assuming that all these interactions went so much more smoothly, harmoniously, and were enjoyable.
ANNETTE: Absolutely. There was just an ease created and so much more openness right in the boardroom. That feminine energy anywhere in the world creates so much love, and the masculine energy creates so much care and protection, and by coming into the boardroom in my femininity, I was also elevating what everyone else in the boardroom could bring to the table as well.
KIM: How so? How are you elevating that?
ANNETTE: The men, rather than being in conflict, are now in a place of providing and protecting everyone in the room, as well as the company. We’re talking about a boardroom and corporate leadership, so we’re naturally talking about needing to lead a company.
While we’re taking care of each other from an energetic perspective, there’s so much more that could be accomplished from the corporate leadership perspective, and the men are now at ease to provide and protect for that feminine energy, but also for the discussions.
There’s so much more creativity and openness and willingness to put forth effort, to think of ideas, implement, and take risks together. When we were stuck in that combative place, we couldn’t be leading as freely.
KIM: What I love about that is it sounds like coming in with masculine energy creates a distraction and a diversion. Like that energy then superimposes upon whatever problems need to be solved and addressed, because it’s so present in that space.
But when you walk in and you’re in the feminine, it’s like the feminine and the masculine are then working together with their own innate strengths to solve these problems and bring to the table their own innate qualities that then fuse together and make you stronger as a whole, rather than, as you say, having the combativeness of some unnatural order.
You described it well as needing to put on armor, masculine posturing to be part of that group. But when you’re not putting that on, but embracing and really coming out as your feminine self, that is the lubricant that’s needed in this entire scenario. Or even lubricant and ignition. A fire starter to help things move faster to the next level.
ANNETTE: Absolutely. There’s a thought that femininity is somehow used to manipulate. I couldn’t find that farther from the truth. You said it perfectly when you said the masculine and feminine energy in the corporate leadership starts to come together and create equal contributions. That is absolutely true.
So then the tension between the energies is no longer there, and it just gives way to so much freedom. Not unlike what happens in polarity play. You would never say because you come with your femininity in polarity play, you’re not exploiting the other side. That’s not true at all, right? That is just a necessary component to put the puzzle together and have a clear view of the picture.
KIM: I remember years ago, there was a legal issue that I was dealing with. A woman was my main lawyer, and I went to have a meeting with her and this other junior lawyer. I walked in, and she was beautiful. I had spoken to her on the phone a ton, but I hadn’t met her in person. I’d seen a photo of her on the website. She was wearing something that was professional but still feminine. It really struck me that she hadn’t put on the corporate suit, a masculine outfit. She had some cleavage and this beautiful hair. I thought, “Whoa, that’s actually a weapon.” But it was from a very authentic place. It didn’t feel manipulative at all. It just felt like she was being herself, the way we’ve been describing. She wasn’t putting on something or trying to hide something. She was just allowing who she was to be there in the space.
The respect that she commanded and the desire for men to serve her was palpable. She commanded this higher degree of respect and service, and I feel like had she been in this inauthentic place, that wouldn’t have happened.
ANNETTE: Yes. Completely, completely agree. I will often ask my partners, “What happens for you at work when someone shows up to a meeting and they’re gorgeous?” They’ll say, “Well, it’s mesmerizing because they’re so beautiful, but then they’re saying so many intelligent things and it’s so helpful. I become consumed with the ideas and the thoughts that are being put forward in that meeting.” It’s good to hear that view of what the masculine energy is saying about feminine energy that walks in.
Never once have I heard them say, “Oh, the whole meeting I was so distracted because she was so sexy and beautiful.” No. It was almost like what allowed them to gravitate to the thoughts and the decisions that were being made and really allowed that to transform the discussion that was happening. That’s a great thing.
It’s interesting because when I think back to when I was in that masculine energy, that performance went on for so long that I had divested myself of my femininity completely. The wonderful experiences that I have in my heart and in my body were repressed from leaning into masculine energy for so long, and I’m really grateful for that transition and willingness to bring that back into my life.
KIM: That’s fantastic. The way that you were describing that made me think of alchemy. These substances combine to create a greater product than there was to begin with. But that alchemy can only happen in truth, rather than artifice. Yeah, that’s so beautiful.
I’m so glad to hear all of that, and you’ve articulated it so well because I think it’s such a mystery for so many women and there’s so much programming out there and fear and uncertainty. The fact that you’ve really been able to own and embrace this and then see that play out and get the feedback, get the affirmation that, “Okay, this is right. This is the right path,” is beautiful. Thank you for sharing all of that. It’s really valuable.
Orgasmapedia
ANNETTE: One of the topics that we hit on was the journey to very deep orgasms, multiple orgasms, multiple types of orgasms. It didn’t just happen automatically. It was a journey, and there was a lot of self-love that needed to happen and patience and deep work.
And deep work just can’t be rushed. You heal, and you work through the wounding in your time. When different healers come into your life, when you find different mentors to guide you through experiences and wounding, it happens in the time that it happens.
But one thing that I really noticed in my journey into femininity and finding these deeper orgasms is that the further that I went into honesty with myself about my wounding, where that came from, what that was, and how I went about healing it, the more I could see a parallel in my orgasms. More orgasms showed up. They were deeper and had more variety.
But it didn’t happen automatically, and there was no switch. There was no day where I was having a clitoral orgasm and the next day I found a cervical orgasm. There was no order. It was little spurts here and there at the beginning and maybe it happened, and I said, “Oh, what was that? That was interesting.” [Laughs] “I want to let go and feel that again.”
There was a lot of deep work in the journey. A lot of self-love. A lot of self-pleasure to lead me into the pleasure with partners and a lot of letting go. Once I found safety for myself in my own life, in my own heart, in my own place as ultra-feminine, then I learned in play how to just let it go.
I still to this day can’t find the exact words to describe how that little fire starts, but it does. “Oh, that orgasm felt good. I’m just going to let it wash over me and enjoy it.” In that present moment of enjoying the orgasm, the next one just comes. [Laughs]
It’s less about forcing it and finding it and more about letting go into it.
KIM: Right. I often use the phrase, “If you build it, they will come.” All of that internal and sexual feng shui of clearing space, trauma, wounding, baggage, ideas, beliefs that we’ve accumulated over the years—again, it’s more about removing those things than gaming a certain amount of skill and technique, which can be helpful here and there, but it’s really that, innately, we all have this.
That’s why I talk about the Anami Guarantee: Every woman can. Every man can. All of these things are accessible to all of us. The reason why someone may not be accessing them is because there are some blockages in the way, so we remove the blocks.
Yeah, for every person, that timetable is different, and so much comes down to their own commitment. Are they dialing it in, or are they truly committing and throwing themselves into that?
We hear over and over again with the All Stars that we talk to those people who have taken the fun and run with it. They don’t say, “Okay, well, maybe next Wednesday we’ll have a sex date, and we can …” It’s everything. They are prioritizing themselves, their sex lives, and the rehabilitation and elevation of the relationship.
With great work comes great reward. [Laughs] That feng shui piece of it is so huge to clear that space and allow what is innately in all of us to emerge.
ANNETTE: Yes, absolutely. It was a commitment for me and my journey; there was a lot of wounding. I was believed to be very bad as a child, and there were a lot of lies that I took on about not being pretty, being poisonous, not being of any substance.
At one point in my life, those were completely subconscious. I didn’t even know that wounding was there and needed to be unearthed and healed and nurtured.
I got very alternative about how I went through my healing journey. It was a full-time job at one point. I thought to myself, “Wow, I don’t even know how to keep the job going and other parts of my life,” because I was diving in so deeply to understand the wounding, heal it, and know myself better. And to come to my authentic self.
So much of what I practiced in Coming Together and the connection dates and the radical honesty, I realized, “Oh, I had already done that in my healing journey with myself.” Connecting with myself, being radically honest with myself, and creating that safe space for myself.
KIM: Beautiful. I love it. Anything else you want to add to that?
Self-prescribing specific orgasms for different emotional states
ANNETTE: No. But I’m so thankful for the work and the journey because it’s fantastic to have many, many orgasms, many different kinds, [laughs] and to know which orgasm I need for what’s happening in my life.
KIM: I love that! Like a self-prescribing of orgasm medicine.
ANNETTE: Yes, absolutely. There are days that I say, “Some deep, cervical orgasms can really bring me to where I want to be today.” And there are other types of orgasms that I can just feel that deep knowing bubbling up.
But that openness and that connectedness, it’s all circular; through the intimacy, the play, the release of the
orgasms, there is so much more I understand about my body and desires and what bubbles up. I can, with no inhibitions or hesitations whatsoever, pursue them. Then the day opens up even more.
KIM: Let’s say you’re feeling a bit sluggish and tired. What orgasm would you prescribe yourself?
ANNETTE: Sluggish and tired is more G-spot, cervical, coming back into that brilliance and aliveness. Anal orgasms are incredibly important to me—it’s something very animal, very matched to that touch energy.
I allow my body to say what I need, and it’s interesting because when I am in that sluggish or sad or some other place where my light is a little bit dim, I can tell you an anal orgasm, for example, would not work there. It would almost be too harsh or too abrupt.
If I allow some time for something to bubble up, I can understand more what I’m feeling and experiencing. It becomes clearer and more honest to me about how I can play with my partner or do self-play to move to a new place.
KIM: Got it. Angsty, even angry and frustrated, would be anal prescription?
ANNETTE: Yes, for me.
KIM: Yeah. I agree. I love it!
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My Well-F**ked Woman Salon opens next week!
The main theme in this 10-week online program is the art of surrender.
Surrender is the key to unlocking the deeper vaginal orgasms and learning how to live in your feminine energy.
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