From Zero to Multiple Orgasms in Weeks – Transcript
I loved this conversation with our Well-F**ked All Star Sonja so much, for so many reasons.
First off, in line with the Anami Guarantee that anyone can—at any age and every stage, this woman had never really enjoyed sex, didn’t get what the big deal was about it, only had her first clitoral orgasm in her late 40s and then had ALL the orgasms—G-Spot, squirting, cervical, anal, nipple, full-body, when she did Vaginal Kung Fu.
All within weeks.
An avalanche.
She didn’t buy into the narratives and excuses that a lot of people do:
– That it’s too late.
– She’s just one of those women who…fill in the blank: doesn’t like sex, doesn’t have a high libido, just can’t get there,
– She’s post-menopause, so everything must be dried up and dead, unless you take a fucking cornucopia of estrogen, anti-depressants, and get your vagina electrocuted.
No bitch. Just take Vaginal Kung Fu.
We also have a fantastic conversation about women’s ideal cock size.
All things equal, what do women want?
As in, how many inches exactly?
I took a survey in WFW last year. The results were totally unanimous.
And as a man, if you don’t measure up, how can you buy more inches?
Well-F**ked All Star Interview with Sonja
KIM: Hi, Sonja, it’s great to have you here.
SONJA: Hi, Kim. I’m so excited to be here.
KIM: All the way from Paris.
SONJA: Yeah. Most beautiful city in the world.
KIM: I was really excited to talk to you because your very first vaginal orgasms you’ve had in your fifties. Prior to that, sex, you’ve described, was something to be suffered through and even avoided and then later in life—because some people get this idea, “Oh, it’s too late for me,” [laughs] and it’s never too late.
I wanted to talk to you about that. Tell me about this, your first vaginal orgasms, and even your first orgasms, period, you said you had in your late forties, like clitoral orgasm. Then the spectrum of vaginal and other orgasms now in your fifties.
Never Really Enjoyed Sex
SONJA: So I’ll just start a little bit from the beginning. The thing that I never had enjoyed sex was kind of weird to me because I grew up with a very cool mom, very, very cool mom, very open. She let my boyfriends sleep over and she was one of the women who liked sex with men, and I think she just assumed that it was good for me, too. She never like talked to me about the possibilities that it couldn’t be good.
Yeah, I had this little anecdote where I read in a girls’ magazine about self-pleasuring with a showerhead and I thought, “How would that go? Should I shovel it in down there? It’s way too big.” I just, I don’t know, I was raised openly, but still I didn’t get it.
Yeah, like lying there for practically most of the time. I was also married for a long time. Every time I had sex it was like I could be running naked through the mud and that would be much more useful for me than doing this thing here I’m doing.
SONJA: Yeah, then, actually, I fell surprisingly in love with a woman. That was already in my late forties. For the first time really I kind of enjoyed sex and I was like, “Okay, now we’re talking.” So yeah, I had clitoral orgasms with her, and I had even multiple orgasms. Yeah. We didn’t stay together very long actually, so that was with her.
Really, it was the first time in my life when I thought, “Okay, now I know sex is not all for men, but can be great for women as well.”
Asking the Universe for Sex Guidance and Finding Anami
So I was searching really the internet and, yeah, one day I was really like praying, really praying, and saying to the universe, “I don’t get it. Is there something that is only like in heterosexual relationships that is all good for a man and not for a woman? I don’t get it. Can you please explain it to me and why basically—”
Actually, the next day I came across you.
KIM: Wow, that’s amazing. Ask, and you shall receive. That’s right.
SONJA: Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, and I told you, and it gets even weirder, I guess, because I religiously listened to your podcast, and I, yeah, I read everything that was coming from you. Then at one point I was like, “Okay, I do want to do the VKF Salon.”
I do have to add that before I was already—like once I ordered an ebook from a girl who said she would get like every woman to vaginal orgasms and I read it and it was completely useless. Because all she said was, “Okay, you need to get in there, find your spot, and then tell your partner where it is.” I was like, “Okay, doesn’t help. [Laughs] Doesn’t help at all, really.”
Cash Windfall to Take VKF—Courtesy of Vagina
I really wanted to do Vaginal Kung Fu, and I was so excited about it. Then it came up and I really didn’t have any money to pay for it, and I was like—I was in my apartment, and I was praying the next time and I was like, “If you want this, then just open a door and you’d send it to me.” And yeah, actually, the registration closed and I was like, “Oh, fuck,” and then the next day I got like some money back from the tax department. It was like exactly the sum I needed, but the registration was closed.
And the same day in the evening, I received an email from you which said, “Still want in?” I was like, “Oh, my gosh, that’s not possible.” So I came to join you.
KIM: Amazing. I love that story. I love actually you talking about your prayer and asking the universe for help and guidance and that’s how you found me, and then you get this windfall in the mail of this money that gives you the opportunity to go forward with this. That’s really beautiful. I love that despite whatever you might have been going through, maintained this connection with your, whatever you want to call it, higher-self, God, spirit, the universe, to help you move through these things.
SONJA: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m so happy and that’s where really like—that’s where it all started. Like for me, really, in the beginning, like the first page was the lay of the land and there you were saying that—so first of all, I felt very much connected to you because you are very holistic and so it really spoke to a lot of things that are important for me in my life. But also very importantly, you were saying, “Just take what you need and leave the rest.” And I did that.
So really when I started with the VKF and I started experiencing. For me, it was really not so much like for other women to go on a clit fast or to put the vibrator down. For me, it was really to, for the first time, really experiencing pleasure after like, yeah, for more than half of my life.
For me, there were actually, there were no rules, no boundaries, no taboos, no negotiation. I just threw myself completely in it. I took out the whole treasure chest I took with me after the separation from my girlfriend, and I started playing. I started playing, exploring, crying, with really no limits. I tried out everything that was in there. I tried, really, I followed the nerves from my clitoris along the outside wall of my body. Like it’s here, no, it’s not here, go back, where is it? And then to the inside. And I traced every single part of my body to find out where my pleasure lines run.
Yeah, then as I said, I experienced. I cried, I played, I mixed them up, and I just played with all of them. Yeah.
Getting to Know Every Nook and Cranny of Your Vagina
KIM: Beautiful. A lot of self-exploration, which is great. We really talk about that being foundational. The know thyself, get to know your body. I even use the phrase, like get to know every little nook and cranny, every corner and angle of your vagina, of your vulva, your outer anatomy, your inner anatomy, so that it’s like second nature to you. I love all of that.
Tell me about your connection to the yoni egg, the jade egg. How did that for you?
SONJA: Oh my god. When you were saying like every nook and cranny, that was exactly what it is. Like outside, inside, deep, shallow, like everything, every nook and cranny. That’s what I did.
The yoni egg, oh, my gosh. Before I had it, I followed your suggestions in the video series where I did the exercise without the yoni egg and with a finger. Then from the beginning, when I got the yoni egg, I exercised with it and I sometimes even—even you said we shouldn’t do it, like we should use it for exercises, but sometimes I kept it in me even a little longer just to have the numbness removed. I visualized that everything numb would be going in there and all gone. All the suffering, memories from laying there, would go in there. Then I’d cleanse it and then I’d exercise again.
I fell in love with the jade yoni egg, really.
KIM: I love that. You’re doing all this, what I call yoni reconnaissance, getting to know and explore, then you bring the egg into it. What did you notice as your vagina got more awakened and stronger? How did you feel and then how did that change—well, first of all, I guess, the orgasms. I’m assuming that as you did that you got more pleasure and sensation within the yoni. Because I say most women have numb vaginas and they just don’t know what they’re even capable of.
Who wants to have sex with a numb vagina?
So when you describe lying there and not really understanding what the big deal is with sex, like when women have a numb vagina, that’s super common. There can be many other reasons for that, too, like more emotional and energetic, but it’s certainly about being numb.
Tell me what happened as it began to awaken?
SONJA: First I started to feel more alive, from inside of me. I felt—obviously when I use like my fingers or a dildo or the egg I felt more and more. I felt it getting stronger. And I felt lubrication coming slowly. I think overall I felt more alive.
Then obviously, yeah, the nerve endings or whatever, like got more sensitive and I felt more and more, and it was not really not long because I was so dedicated to all of this and I tried everything. It was really not long after that I got, a couple of weeks into it, I guess, I had my first—first it was mixed, like clitoral and G-Spot, and then from there, something broke loose. It didn’t happen all in one day, but like from there over the next weeks, I started really experiencing G-Spot orgasms, multiple clitoral orgasms. Like I tried your edging. I discovered your whole body orgasm.
Then I think like I played and I tried out things and so I had like a couple of weeks afterwards I had the first anal/G-Spot/clitoral orgasm like together. It was just wild. It was just wild.
It felt like slowly, slowly, slowly like the wiring—the wiring started to, I don’t know. I don’t know what it was. Like the nerve endings were waking up, my body was waking up. Then yeah, actually at one point I had the first cervical orgasm.
Like I’m so blown away by everything. When before I was—and I remember like the day before I met you, I told the universe, “Why? Why is hetero sex so horrible and why is the woman only there to serve the man?” And then I met you and then all of a sudden I was experiencing this wild, wild variation of pleasure in my body. Yeah.
I think I wrote it, but I want to add, I’m really way after menopause and it’s not like a regular thing, but I’m really on some days, I’m seeing some reddish fluid again. Right now, I often squirt just from touching my clitoris, which is, like for me, this is all wild and I’m in total awe of the human body.
KIM: Oh, that’s incredible. So well done. Especially, because I think part of the hardest element of this journey is the mental struggle where people—like you have this story, this narrative about heterosexual connection being so hard or unpleasurable or it’s just for the man. Yet you were still willing to be open to the possibility that it could be different. Where those stories often stop people from even trying. From even giving something a chance and really dedicating—or they try a little bit and then they give up. Then they’re like, “See, I was right all along. It’s not possible. It doesn’t work.”
SONJA: [Laughs] Yeah, you’re so right. I mean, the thing is that I wasn’t with a man where I’m like for the first time for a couple of years now in my life, because I got married in my twenties, and I’m alone right now. So it was like basically the experience with the woman who gave me some hope, and then all of this I just—I really, I self-pleasure. I followed you, I followed the salon, I followed the exercise, I followed my heart, my soul, my body, my lines, whatever, my nerve endings. Yeah.
Yeah, but I gave it a shot, and I was so desperate to see if there was not more and that’s why I really threw myself in there.
Surprisingly, because I hear a woman saying that sometimes it takes just a super long time, but really, with the yoni egg, and with my approach to not have any taboos and to mix it all up and to not limit myself and to try everything out. I mean, not in days. It took a while, but still, it went terribly fast, I’d say, from going to basically nothing to having all this kind of variety where I felt like a kid for the first time in a candy store.
Sexually Dead After Menopause? Bullshit. Just Getting Started.
KIM: I love it! And you mentioned as well, I didn’t highlight this before, but you said that you’re way past menopause.
SONJA: Yes.
KIM: For all these naysayers and people who want to say that women are just sexually dead after menopause and there’s no hope, but maybe there’s hope if they take drugs and hormones, and my argument is always, “Yeah, well, they’re not well-fucked.” If these women were well-fucked, they would be having the right kind of sex, like waking up the vagina, discovering deep vaginal orgasms, having those on the regular, those things all create such an integral and elemental hormonal balance that women don’t experience these symptoms that the average, under-fucked, plebian woman does.
SONJA: Yeah, totally. I mean, yeah, and I’m like the living proof, right? Not only did my sex life not die after menopause, it really just started and it’s still amazing. It’s like sometimes I was sad, like why didn’t it start sooner? But then like after all, I’m just happy that after all these years of suffering, I know how it can feel. Really, this work opened a new door to a new life for me.
Every time, as I said, like the salon right now, I’m doing it on my own for the third time, and each time the healing goes deeper, and the outcome is more rewarding. Yeah.
I do want to ask you something, because in general, like hetero sex was like feels less for me. But there were like two occasions where—one was with a man I really loved. Really, really loved. He was, until now, the love of my life, so it was nice having him close. When I was on my period and I had the tampon in, and then he was in me, that was amazing, because the tampon touched my cervix. It never left or anything. But that was really—that was amazing, I remember.
Also, there was a little anecdote with my ex-girlfriend when she came in one night with a strap-on and a dildo and I was like, “Oh my god, what are you doing? Could you please sit it aside and just go down on me?” She was like, “No, I want to try anal.” I was like—I hated it all the way. I am so glad I’m with you right now and can you please go down on me?” Then she tried like with two different dildos and I felt nothing and I was like, “No, okay, now can we please—are you done? Can you come now and finish?”
Then she tried like this—she came up with this really big thing and I was like, “Oh, my gosh, you want to put me to hospital?” She was like, “No, we’ll see.” I was like, “Okay, you’ll stop if I scream?” And she was like, “Yeah, if you’re scream—but if you’re screaming like with pleasure, I don’t stop.”
Then, I mean, like of course she didn’t last it long enough for me to have anything, but there it was like, oh, my gosh. There I felt something and that led me to believe that like just today, this morning, I listened to your podcast, like Does Size Matter? It was so funny where you said, “Yes.” So thanks for listening.
KIM: Wait, I said, “Does size matter?” Which podcast was this?
SONJA: It was about cock size. Yeah, Does Size Matter?
KIM: Oh, Does Size Matter, right, right.
SONJA: Yeah. Then for me, these two experiencing when it was always shitty, but twice it was good. So led me to believe that maybe at least for me it does matter. I don’t know.
What is the Ideal Cock Size—when Women are Really Honest?
KIM: Listen, we did a survey in WFW last year. We were on a live call, on a Zoom call, had a group of, I don’t know, maybe a few hundred women on the call, and I asked everybody, “What is your ideal cock size?” Everything equal, the partner is otherwise exactly the same, what would be your ideal cock size?
I know you’re in Europe so I might have to do a quick conversion because I asked everybody in inches, so let me just quickly—okay. Do you want to guess what they all said? Because everyone said the exact same number. I had everyone type it in all at the same time, so it wasn’t even by looking at each other, do you know what I mean, they gave the same answer. What do you think it was, if you had to guess? You can guess it centimeters. I’ll tell everybody what that is in inches.
SONJA: Really, I don’t know, but for my experience, it must have been like really—yeah. [Laughs] It must have been—I don’t know. Actually, just tell me. I really don’t know.
KIM: Okay. So the answer that everybody gave was 8 inches, which is 20 centimeters.
SONJA: Oh, wow! [Gasps]
KIM: Yeah, yeah.
SONJA: Is that right?
KIM: You ask women the truth, I would say they all want 8 inches.
SONJA: Oh, my gosh.
KIM: [Laughs] Yeah. I’m going to do a separate episode on this because I said that if a man is really a great fucker, it’s like, look, he can get by—I mean, 6 is kind of a minimum, maybe 5 inches, but really, all things equal, women want 8 inches of cock. If you’re like an epic marathon fucker, okay, you can probably buy an inch with that. If you’re an amazing, high-value, masculine man, really great masculine energy, you can probably buy an inch with that. If you’re a billionaire, you can buy an inch with that, right? [Laughs] So there you go, you just bought yourself 3 inches. If you’re a 5-inch cock, there is hope for you.
Anyway, yeah, look, I think that women need to get their cervix—look, I always say if women are only ever having clitoral orgasms and then they have numb vaginas, they’re going to feel like they don’t like sex very much because it’s fucking boring. It’s numb, they don’t feel much, it’s really like doing the man a favor. He’s just got this receptacle to come into and you’re just kind of there to help him.
Because you don’t feel it, you’re like, “Well, I don’t really get what the big deal is because there is no big deal,” and you’d be right. In that condition of having a numb vagina and being disconnected and never having deeper, more pleasurable penetration, you would be right.
I love that the way you describe it, your journey, when you did have deeper, cervical penetration, something began to crack open in you. Something began to awaken, like, “Oh, well, this is different. It is coming, but there it is.”
The Good Stuff is in the Vagina. The Best Stuff is at the Cervix.
Now, even through VKF, learning about your anatomy, exploring it more intensely, and then having me also confirm that, look, the good stuff is all in the vagina and the best stuff is that the deepest point in the vagina, which is at the cervix.
How to f**k the shit out of her if you are less endowed as a man. No, it’s not being “good at cunnilingus”
Depending on the partner, like if you have a man with a shorter cock and a woman with a longer vagina, they may not do so well together. There’s definitely like modifications you can make with sexual positions and the like, and then ultimately, in Anami-land, we get to a place of having energy sex, where even if—so even if your cock wasn’t physically the ideal, you could still be energetically penetrating a woman.
And that’s real. I’m not just fluffing that up to make a guy feel better, that’s true. That’s why in that podcast, “Does Size Matter?”, I say when you get to that level, it matters much less because the penetration is so much more energetic that you really can fuck the shit out of somebody even if you’re less well-endowed.
If you’re very well-endowed and can fuck the shit out of someone, a woman is probably on her knees every day to be like, “What can I do to make your life better [laughs] because you certainly make mine better.”
I’d also say that women, like speaking to your case, if women have had very inexperienced lovers, if they’ve had two-pump-chumps, like guys who just come within a few minutes, men who never really know their way around a woman’s vagina and can help to awaken that for her, she could, she really could go through her entire life never realizing how pleasurable intercourse, sex, penetration, can be.
That’s not unusual, honestly, because that really is the norm. Statistically speaking, we know that most men come within three minutes. Like 80% of men come within 3 minutes. 95% of men come within 5 minutes. That means 95% of women are under-fucked. I guarantee that. So 95% of women—plus, plus, right? Because the outlying average is probably like 10 minutes max for sexual intercourse to last.
1 in 100,000 People are Well-F**ked
I put a post up on Instagram and I said, “1 in 100,000 people is well-fucked.” My estimation, but I would say that. Most people are not having life-changing sex. The very, very best that they normally come into the salons with is like she has clitoral orgasms quite regularly, they have sex two or three times a week, it might be 5 or 10 minutes long, but at least they feel like they’re ticking that box. At least they are having sex. Because these couples will have friends or family who have sex once a year or every two years. So they’re like, “Wow, compared to them, we really are in the 99th percentile.”
And they are.
But just because 70% of America is overweight, it doesn’t mean that being overweight is an ideal state. It just means it’s the best of the worst. [Laughs]
SONJA: Yeah. But also, I mean, I was kind of—before, I was kind of always happy when I didn’t last so long and was even more suffering when it lasted long because I didn’t feel anything.
KIM: That makes sense. If you don’t feel anything and you’re not connected, like you would want it to be over quickly.
SONJA: Yeah.
KIM: I mean, we have couples end up kind of rationalizing, “Well, five minutes is all you need,” because the guy doesn’t know how to last longer and the woman is like, “Well, this is lame so it’s fine with me that it’s over and I can say that I’ve been a good wife and I’ve done my wifely duty, and we have sex. Maybe then I pull out the vibrator afterward and have an orgasm.” That is the sum total of most people’s sex lives, really.
SONJA: Yeah, and it was mine, like really just, yeah, I mean, until my girlfriend and then until the salon, which is not salon **** [0:36:09.6] really.
I do want to add like one more thing, with the cervical orgasms, they are absolutely amazing. They are the deepest, so I’m totally aligned with you. It’s just amazing what they can do. I love, love, love cervical orgasms.
So now it’s like I love that you can mix it up. For me to have like multiple ones, one day a triple and whole body orgasms and clitoral/cervical ones, and G-Spot/anal ones. Yes, of course, I adore cervical orgasms and for like the emotional and spiritual and physical pleasure and realization that they bring, but also, I love, love—really, I’m one of the women who loves clitoral pleasure as well. I adore whole body orgasms when your body shivers like for hours. It’s like I wouldn’t even make like number one, two, three.
For me, the most amazing thing, and the best of all is to have discovered that to have a female body with whom you can be able to experience all this variety and all this kind of wild pleasure. That really is like the best part for me.
Multi-Dimensional Penetration
The thing I love about you is you’re coming from all the different angles. You’re working really holistically. Like you’re looking into the body and the emotions and the mental stuff and the spirituality. You touch it from all different angles.
So yeah, if we get in and if we the work, we’ll get there. As you say, if you build it, it will come, right?
KIM: [Laughs] Yes. Well, it’s a testament to your work and your perseverance, absolutely. Yes, I do talk about the multidimensional penetration. Like the best sex is many-layered, physical, emotional, mental, energetic, spiritual. That’s really Anami-level, gourmet sex where we need all those levels of input and stimulation for it to be the most life-changing. The most elevating, transcendent experiences that we can have.
Choosing which Orgasm Based on what Needs Healing
When you’re looking at all these different orgasms you can have, clitoral, G-Spot, squirting, cervical, anal, blended, do you—sometimes we talk in Anami-land about using them as a prescription. Meaning you look at who you are energetically, your mood, even emotionally, and decide, “You know what? I really need to get something up my ass right now. I really need to have an anal-gasm. Things feel stuck and a bit heavy and I think that is the perfect medicine.”
Do you ever look at that consciously or is it more just intuitive that you kind of gravitate towards what you seem to need in the moment?
SONJA: I look at it like the buffet metaphor I talked about, is I don’t want every day like five course meal with rosemary honey, and I want every day a kale avocado smoothie, or every day sweet, sticky mango rice. I mean, if we’re in tune with our body, we gravitate also for our food. Like we gravitate to what we need at the moment. Vitamins or whatever. I think it’s the same thing with sex.
I feel what I need and my soul is telling me and my body what I need right now and this is what I find so amazing that, yeah, to have this variety and to be able to choose whatever you need at this moment, yeah.
KIM: After going 50 years, roughly, had clitoral orgasms, and then this cornucopia of the other deeper kinds, how did you notice yourself change as a person, as a woman? Because in Anami-land, we always talk about these correlations, that when you become sexually self-realized, you become overall much more self-realized. Like you become more of the person you’re meant to be.
SONJA: Well, like first of all, I love your like not giving a fuck anymore, but I was always l like that. I mean, I was like that as a kid.
KIM: [Laughs] Great.
SONJA: Yeah. So really, and my work, of course, like I need to be careful, but usually in my private life I really don’t give a fuck, and I was always like that, so that didn’t change much.
But what changed, and I can really point my finger at this, I mean, there’s a lot of work to do and I don’t know if we will ever like be totally there in this life, but I feel way more centered and in harmony and balance than ever, ever, ever before in all of my life.
Even in, like what I said, like this one guy that he was until now the love of my life, or maybe still is in my heart. It was really kind of the most beautiful place in my life with him. But still, I never, even in this time, I never felt even close to this wholeness and balance and serenity that I feel right now. I’d say that this is really the biggest shift.
The second shift is that I feel I have a much more optimistic outlook on life. I’m way calmer on things that like years before would have thrown me completely off, like crying, screaming, going crazy. I breathe, I meditate, I might shed a tear. There might be a moment of what to do now, this is shitty, it doesn’t throw me off anymore. It’s like I feel centered and stable and way, way, way more in peace. I think that is the main thing I can say.
I’ll be forever thankful and I hope that I’ll find a way to let as much women as possible know that there is a new door in life, a new world, and it’s, yeah, absolutely, incredibly amazing to be a woman in a female body. So thank you very, very, very much, Kim. That’s all I can say.
KIM: It’s my pleasure, Sonja. I’m so glad to hear all of this and so happy. I’m always so proud of people when they are faced with what might seem and feel insurmountable. Like very challenging to get past. Being at the age that you are, which so many people use as an excuse, why not to succeed. To hear you really just triumph through it is amazing. Well done.
SONJA: I’m so happy. I’m so incredibly happy.
KIM: Thank you for being here and for sharing your story, Sonja.
SONJA: Well, thank you so very much and yeah, I hope you get a lot more women in your class and to show them what an amazing life is possible. And I also, I want to say I love that we have lifetime access because as I said, I’m going right now, it’s my third time I’m going through the salon and it’s so helpful to do it on your pace. I have really, I feel every time I’m doing it there’s another nook, another cranny, the healing goes deeper, and yeah, I love it. I love it, I love it. Thank you so much.
KIM: Thanks, Sonja.
***
The Vaginal Kung Fu Salon is open now!
In this 10-week immersion you will become a maestro of all things vaginal and sexual.
You’ll learn:
- My step-by-step guided vaginal weight lifting routine with the jade yoni egg.
- Yoni massage to de-numb and activate your vagina
- Quantum techniques to clear your blocks and illuminate your sexual shadow
- Breast massage to tone and lift the breasts
- Natural birth control and detoxing off The Pill
- How to make menstruation and menopause the energizing and rejuvenating portals they were meant to be
- How to give a vaginal handjob
- How to use your sexual energy to heal yourself, including my sex position mood guide.
