TRANSCRIPT – How Often Should You Have Sex?
This is a question I get asked a lot.
But mostly from people who aren’t having enough sex.
Because if you ARE deeply connected to your partner in the Anami gourmet-sex way of life, then you already know how much.
You know because:
- You want to be having much more frequent sex. You are so into each other that it’s not something you have to “make” yourself do. It becomes part of your flow and routine because you feel how powerfully it lubricates EVERYTHING else in your life when you are close and connected sexually.
- If you ever DO fall out of rhythm, you’ll quickly start to feel irritated with each other, a bit bristly, niggly, argumentative. That happens after a period of time we’ll talk about shortly, and that time frame is consistent amongst all of our otherwise well-fucked couples.
So here’s the bare minimum in Anami Land:
3 times a week.
Let me break that down even more, because duration is also important.
- 1 x 3-hour sex date
- 2 x shorter dates of at least an hour each
A few quickies a week of 5-15 minutes don’t count.
Even a handful of 30-minute sessions wouldn’t likely to do the trick.
I spoke a couple of weeks back in the episode called Convos as Deep as the Doggie Style and what it means to be well-fucked.
You could be having multiple short, inconsequential sessions that do nothing to build your relationship or your life.
Or, you could have a super-potent weekly three-hour sex date (which I’ve done before in long-distance relationships), that feeds your existence.
The proof is always in the pudding: is your sex life CHANGING your life?
Is it building, healing and nourishing you?
Are you seeing and feeling the impact of your elevated connection not just in your bed, but in every other area of your life?
From your body and your health to your business and your bank balance.
If not, you’re doing it wrong.
Which likely means you are having short, superficial sessions.
Like junk food.
Or you aren’t having sex at all.
WHEN you are using your intimate connection as a FUEL source in your life, it becomes much like food.
You rely on it, you orient yourself around it as an energy and power source.
It becomes a default, a place you naturally and constantly go to connect and recharge.
I posted a reaction reel on Instagram a few months ago, where I was commenting on a pseudo-relationship expert/moron who was being asked about how often people ought to have sex, and whether “daily sex” is a crazy idea.
He said it absolutely was and that it was totally “unrealistic”.
Then he and the show host both laughed the laugh of massively underfucked people.
That post got a LOT of traction on Insta.
There were some amazing responses like:
“The reaction I get when people ask how many time a week we have sex is always WHAAAAT?? 7-14. Easily. And he works 15 hours a day. But then they are also shocked at how little we fight and how much we laugh.
And others, where people went to their usual refrain of “Sex isn’t an important part of marriage, blah blah”
Tell you me you have a sexless marriage without telling me.
I think those people wandered over from the Explore page.
No one in the Anami audience would be making the case for NOT having regular sex.
So, let’s break this down:
1. Weekly 3-hour sex date.
This is the core of your connection. This is everything. This is the most important sex date out of ALL your sex dates.
Why?
Time.
I mentioned this in the last episode as well.
The only way to get into the transcendent, life-changing zones I talk about is when you have uninterrupted, longer stretches of time to connect in.
Anything under an hour, and especially when you look at how the average couple has sex for 3-5 minutes—75% of men ejaculate in 3 minutes and 95% in 5 minutes—nothing transformative is happening here.
AT best, it’s a stress relief session.
At worst, it’s actually damaging to your connection and consistently reinforcing that it’s not safe for you to be vulnerable and go deep with each other.
Depth ONLY happens in longer sessions.
And that’s the point of fast-food, drive thru sex:
You get in and you get out and no one has even seen or touched you.
Not really. Not deeply.
So you book in a weekly, non-negotiable, set-in-stone, 3 hour sex date.
It’s easer to pick a regular day, so you can revolve your life and routine around it.
You can set up childcare if you need it.
And, you KNOW that you have this sacrosanct time with each other.
To clarify, a 3-hour sex date is 3 hours of sex.
Maybe not intercourse initially—you can build up to that—but some kind of naked, sensual activity.
This includes massage, oral sex, manual sex and yes, of course, intercourse.
It’s not a 2 hour movie… and then sex.
Or a 90-minute dinner… and then sex.
Nah.
It’s three hours in your bed.
Couples often balk at this at first because they can’t even conceive of it.
“What are we going to do for three HOURS?”
Then the deeper they get into Anami Land, the three hours isn’t even enough, and it often happens multiple times a week.
So yeah.
2. At least two other sessions a week. For a minimum of an hour.
Something we often hear from our Well-F**ked All Stars in Anami Land is how their “quickies” are now an hour long.
So what I’ve just mentioned is the “bare minimum” in Anami Land.
Plenty of our couples have daily sex.
Often multiple times a day.
With multi-hour sex dates each week.
Is it three hours every session? No.
Because what starts to happen is, they realize that their deeper sexual connection acts like a quantum accelerator.
I mean, look, when you open up the inter-dimensional portal of the universe, some serious time/space expanding magical shit is going to happen.
What I mean by this, is that the supposed “time” they have spent having sex somehow boomerangs into them being MORE productive each day, getting MORE done, and with MORE ease, grace and good fortune.
Doors open.
Helpful people and opportunities synchronistically fall into their laps.
Because their laps attract them.
All of that positive reinforcement continually makes the case for them prioritizing more sex and better sex.
Because if you say you “don’t have time” I know you are totally full of shit.
Every other day minimum
Once it reaches into the second day of no intimate contact, this is when couples start to feel it.
They get more edgy and irritable with each other.
Impatient, bristly. Niggly.
The flow is off. EVERYTHING starts to feel more difficult.
Like they are being cockblocked.
And it’s because they’ve cockblocked themselves.
The Anami couple catches themselves and realizes:
“AH!”
*facepalm*
“We haven’t had sex in a couple of days!”
And then they get to bed.
The difference between Anami couples who live like this, and the average couple, is that with the average couple, this low and increasingly high-grade irritation with each other becomes a way of life.
This IS their default state of relating.
They don’t realize that the source of ALL of their problems is being underfucked.
Because they aren’t using their sexual connection as a point of balance, stability, harmony and energy recharge, they suffer through life.
Everything is hard.
Except his cock.
Haha.
When that’s the only thing that ought to be hard.
If it’s not hard every day and you aren’t taking advantage of it every day—there you go, that’s your problem.
That’s your queue to jump on it—literally, jump on it and all over it.
The Taoist morning and evening prayer
The ancient Taoists talked about how you have sex every day—twice a day.
Morning and evening.
As a prayer.
You start the morning off, connecting with each other and revving up your creative life-force together.
You plug in.
You get high, you generate a FLOOD of pleasure and cognitive-boosting hormones and neurotransmitters.
Then you channel all of that into your day.
No need for coffee when you have orgasms.
The plugging in isn’t just about feel-good chemicals, though obviously that’s awesome.
It’s the deeper level of connection.
You go deep and soft and wild with each other and it FORTIFIES you out in the world.
You step out into the day, with a divine cloak of protection and radiance wrapped around you.
A glow, a strength, courage and a calm, creative approach to everything.
You act like a magnet to all things good and beautiful because you’ve just conjured that energy in your bed.
Like attracts like, right?
It sets you up for your whole day.
Supplements, exercise, coffee and meditation all in one.
The most bang for your buck!
And then the evening prayer harmonizes you at the end of the day.
You connect, you elevate and put yourself into a higher state of consciousness before you sleep.
This also helps you to “seed” your dreams.
Meaning, you uplift yourself and can use your dreams as incubators, as a fast track to manifesting your outer reality, as you become more conscious in directing them.
Your sleep becomes more nourishing and restful—even if you have less if it—it doesn’t matter—now you need less.
Because you can truly sleep with your guard down and allow your body and psyche to replenish themselves at the deepest level.
Here’s another way to look at it.
You leave your armor at the bedside
You have this sanctuary of your bedchamber.
You come in from the day of fighting your battles.
You take off your armor, any of your outer-facing gear and you leave it at the side of the bed.
You climb in and you exist walls-free, heart open, genitals open.
THIS is the place where you recharge the fastest.
You reset.
To your own “factory settings”.
To your most true self.
You are seen, adored and cherished in that place.
Then you go out into the world, as more of that person, with less of your facades and armor.
And your life sets itself on fire.
***
So that’s it.
The Anami Rx and the secret to the question of the universe:
So how often do you have sex?
Often enough that your life changes and is infused with the magical Midas-touch dust of a well-loved and well-fucked life.
By my count, these are the answers to how much that is.
